Roll call

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saltman
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Re: Roll call

Post by saltman » Mon Jul 11, 2016 11:22 pm

That was the afternoon of the morning of my adventure
Thanks
smnmntll wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 11:20 am
Look, OK, cards on the table. I fcuked my father up the arse. It was in the car immediately following my mother's funeral and on the way to the wake.

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Spoon
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Re: Roll call

Post by Spoon » Thu Jul 21, 2016 3:38 pm

Hey Laz, when does your book come out I reckon it would be a good read and if you do a realsurf Book remember to mention Foamballs by Squid, I will admit that was a classic and each episode was looked forward to with great anticipation. Squid was actually a good bloke, I had a few waves with him but god knows where he is now.
Al this is gold. "She didn't realise I was fairly high and spent much of the evening trying to figure out why a purple and orange cow wanted me to climb a tree."

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Trev
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Re: Roll call

Post by Trev » Thu Jul 21, 2016 5:14 pm

Somewhere ive got a copy of most if not all of the foamballs saga saved in a word doc.
Great reading
#sixfeetissixfeet!

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marauding mullet
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Re: Roll call

Post by marauding mullet » Thu Jul 21, 2016 6:01 pm

Trev wrote:Somewhere ive got a copy of most if not all of the foamballs saga saved in a word doc.
Great reading
Was it on here?
petulance wrote: 01100100 01101001 01100111 01101001 01110100 01100001 01101100 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110010 01101011
smnmntll wrote:
Tue Jul 10, 2018 3:31 pm
Yum x 1000

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Trev
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Re: Roll call

Post by Trev » Thu Jul 21, 2016 6:41 pm

marauding mullet wrote:
Trev wrote:Somewhere ive got a copy of most if not all of the foamballs saga saved in a word doc.
Great reading
Was it on here?
Yep. But he went through and did a Legion on it all for some reason.

I found it all on one of those sites which seem to have links to every web page ever.
#sixfeetissixfeet!

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Trev
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Re: Roll call

Post by Trev » Fri Jul 22, 2016 10:05 am

The beginning....................................FOAMBALLS

episode 1
B u m b a c l o t

One hot summer morning in the suburb of One Beach, Bumbaclot woke up in a strange apartment beside a voluptuous naked blonde named Regina, who wore a large gold wedding ring, and was dead.

Feck, thought Bumbaclot.

She had seemed pretty healthy when they were going at it on the couch, only hours earlier. Before he passed out.

Fecken jesus, he said under his breath. Looks like a fricken cardiac arrest! And total respiratory fecken failure!

Call the cops? The ambulance?

Sure. Invite the cops in. That was impossible. The flat, he had learned the night before, belonged to a local psychopath -- a known hit-man, named Concrete. Gangsters would have his balls.

Anyway, what was the use? His richly tanned sex goddess, now cold and tinged grey, was, without a doubt, beyond resuscitation. She lay on her side, facing away from him on the fake-leather couch. Her ample breasts spilled over the clammy upholstery, one buttock cocked high, legs splayed, one petite foot hanging over the carpet, as if she had been jogging. He stared at the delicate base of her spine, where the summer sun had imprinted a soft, untanned triangle around the rear panel of a lacy g-string. Now the red lingerie lay torn and straggling from the deep crack of Regina's spectacular, pilates-toned arse. Funny how the strap looks like a question mark, thought Bumbaclot.

Fecken hell.
#sixfeetissixfeet!

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saltman
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Re: Roll call

Post by saltman » Fri Jul 22, 2016 6:33 pm

Old Rser
Wanto just scored another wave of the day pic on swellnet
smnmntll wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 11:20 am
Look, OK, cards on the table. I fcuked my father up the arse. It was in the car immediately following my mother's funeral and on the way to the wake.

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Re: Roll call

Post by Larry » Sat Jul 23, 2016 8:42 am

Spoon, late November ...

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Deesee
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Re: Roll call

Post by Deesee » Mon Jul 25, 2016 8:08 am

My login worked!
If it feels good, do it.

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Wyre
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Re: Roll call

Post by Wyre » Mon Jul 25, 2016 11:16 am

Holy shit! See, I'm fairly late to the RS world. That said, I used to check daily the surf report way back when. Always could figure out what it would be like from the NB reports/The Goat.

That said, these days I bypass it straight to Tangents. I think this is about the second time I've entered the General Discussion.

Hope RS sticks around, it is golden.
godsavethequeen wrote:I wonder if reg is still thrashing the neighbour's elderly poodle with his wattle branch.

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Re: Roll call

Post by Larry » Mon Jul 25, 2016 11:57 am

Trev .. more

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Re: Roll call

Post by Trev » Mon Jul 25, 2016 12:59 pm

Larry wrote:Trev .. more
:?:
I'm confused. :oops:
#sixfeetissixfeet!

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RickyG
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Re: Roll call

Post by RickyG » Mon Jul 25, 2016 1:16 pm

Always loved your report Laz, way before this forum started; about '99 when I got my first office job.
Particularly remember one one about checking in with Jamie Packer at Palmy on a flat day.
andy2476 wrote:
Ricky gets my vote. I hate undercover tards.

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crabmeat thompson
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Re: Roll call

Post by crabmeat thompson » Mon Jul 25, 2016 3:06 pm

Trev wrote:
Larry wrote:Trev .. more
:?:
I'm confused. :oops:

more stories, you giant anus!
steve shearer wrote:
Sat Mar 03, 2018 8:31 am
You are both absorbing salt and urinating.

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saltman
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Re: Roll call

Post by saltman » Mon Jul 25, 2016 3:22 pm

Maybe Larry could do a (fantasy) surf report each morning, from the back yard?
Sure would be better reading than every other surf report
smnmntll wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 11:20 am
Look, OK, cards on the table. I fcuked my father up the arse. It was in the car immediately following my mother's funeral and on the way to the wake.

Larry
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Re: Roll call

Post by Larry » Mon Jul 25, 2016 4:52 pm

Here you go salty, this is what happens where I live now ...

Albert is known as The Commodore around here. This is folklore. The Commodore. He owns a property called Happy Hollows.

The Commodore has a fifteen tree orchard on his acres - mostly mandarins, oranges, pecans and grapefruit. These trees are not quite set out in orderly rows because of The Commodore's lifelong hobby. He likes a drink, so they meander, have done for nearly 40 years. He managed to plant the orchard up back in 1973 and the fifteen trees that survive grow so much fruit now that their branches touch the ground.

Growing fruit trees requires that you must visit them at various times during the seasons to (1) invigorate their growth, (2) cut back and dispose of dead branches and (3) harvest the ripe fruit. No problem here for every other orchardist in the country, their stuff grows in sober rows - up one row and down the other - unimaginative arable land management.

Growing fruit also means that a man has to spend a fair part of the day in and amongst his trees during the year doing this and that, and The Commodore has gradually evolved a particular plan of land management for his peculiar tree layout. This plan assists him in his daily forages and is helpful when he occasionally loses momentum and becomes disorientated in the midst of his labour. Those of us who like a little drink {or whatever} will recognise this predicament and of course the immediate remedy for us is to take a quick snort and carry on. That's why towns have hotels and homes have refrigerators.

Not so the orchardist - until The Commodore arrived with his plan. Albert, for whom a nip is never enough.

Each of his trees has its designated drink lodged either into a branch hollow or suspended by string from a steady limb. For easy reach. The Commodore has 15 trees and each one of them holds only one bottle - Happy Hollows indeed. The Commodore is a man of sincere habits.

Three weeks ago his neighbour Clyne had the roofers in to replace some old iron on his house. Uproarious fellows these lads, great jokers to a man and one of them spotted The Commodore taking his usual tour of the orchard, saw him stopping at the Coopers Pale Ale pecan, and a little later at the Hahn Super Lite mandarin. Some of the bottles were strategically placed and required little effort to reach, others required The Commodore stand in his tractor and grope into the hollow. He had two open boxes in the trailer attached to his tractor, one for the empties and one for the re-stock. That and fifteen kilos of the local fertiliser.

They watched him for three days, saw that he always took the same route, noted that he drank in the same order - the three of them standing on Clyne's roof looking down from the ridge at the old man as he weaved around his orchard. Fully pissed. Away on it. Clyne was of the opinion that the old man started charging up well before breakfast, liked to start the day as he intended to finish it.

- so the roofers came back that night and changed everything. They lengthened the short strings and cut short the long, they switched the pecan beer for the mandarin stout - they filled some tree hollows with fruit and drank the beer that was there. The longer the night grew the more creative they became.

Trusted sources has it that there were twenty-five people on Clyne's roof the next day - all of them waiting for The Commodore to start his rounds - and the roar of laughter that erupted from them when he fell off his tractor trying to grasp what should have been a Tooheys New on a short string but was in fact a partly decomposed rabbit tied to an occy strap echoed far across the valley.

Then there was the baby black snake in the VB longneck. The Coopers pale Ale packed solid with builders bog.

This is Eureka folklore, or so I'm told.

Thanks RickyG

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Re: Roll call

Post by Over55yrs » Sun Jul 31, 2016 8:18 pm

Slight change of subject but still a writer - William Finnegan of Barbarian Days (G land, Cloudbreak, Kirra) is in Australia on a book signing tour

http://berkelouw.com.au/events/writers- ... arian-days

http://www.newcastlewritersfestival.org ... rian-days/

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saltman
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Re: Roll call

Post by saltman » Mon Aug 01, 2016 10:45 am

Great yarn Larry
How did he keep the beers cold - did he mange to get around the orchard before the sun got on them?
Just asking for a friend
smnmntll wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 11:20 am
Look, OK, cards on the table. I fcuked my father up the arse. It was in the car immediately following my mother's funeral and on the way to the wake.

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