Ask Kook

[Narra Kook]

Since we exhausted Nick about his life of spliting the peak with the best and spliting the winky with the notorious, you can now hear about surfing from the opposite perspective, the kook!

Over the years Nick has given us stories about the world's best in the best waves on the planet, often set on Hawaii's North Shore. I will now tell you my Hawaii experience.

I was in Hawaai with my gf, staying in the tourist ghetto of Honolulu. One day we rent a car to explore the rest of the island, specifically the North Shore. I don't have a board but I'm keen for a surf. We rock up at the North Shore and drive up the coast. Famous name after famous name. It's December (foreshadowing). From the road, I see a nice breaking wave (full and easy to ride) and start frothing. Break name unknown. I need a board. A surf shop magically appears around the next bend. I rent a "fun board" and buy a stick of wax. I paddle out. No one on it. Turns outs it's too full to ride. Zero waves. After, a smoothie and a quick drive, I'm back on it. The tide has dropped. It's now much shallower (foreshadowing). I paddle for a wave and before I make my poorly executed transition from prone to standing, every drop of water in front of the wave has disappeared. A coral grave yard with a headstone bearing my name awaits. I pull back quickly. I then realize why I was the only one on it. Zero waves.

We get back in the car and keep driving. Waimea Bay. From the parking area, I can see a bunch of guys on longboards waaaaay out, just sitting in a pack. A set rolls through, decent size, rolling, nothing drastic. I think, cool, old guys on long boards, pretty big waves, but rolling in calmly. I'm keen. The beach is actually closed (foreshadowing) due to a shore break from hell. If you've seen it, you know I'm not exaggerating. I wait for a lull, and begin the long paddle out. I stop about three times to take breaks, sitting on my rental board in the middle of no where. I finally make it out. It turns out that the old guys on longboards are actually tatted up hell-men on guns, several wearing helmets. I assume a familiar position, clear of the impact zone. A set rolls in. It's farking huge! I'm over to the side, but I still have to get over the incoming waves. I actually have to paddle up them. They're not breaking where I am but I was still shitting. I hang to the side, not even thinking about catching a wave. I just hang out of the way and watch. After a few sets roll through and I watch these guys catching these monsters, I paddle in. Middle of the bay. No breaking waves. Three breaks. More paddling. I'm back at hell's gate, Waimea shorey. I think there's a lull. I make a break for the shore. I almost make it. Shorey hits me. I'm pounded into the sand and my board is loose. I avoid it early but it catches me late, in the head. It's not too bad. I grab it and make it out. I make it to the car and my face is bleeding but it's nothing serious. I'm hoping it leaves a scar. I return the rental board. The guy in the shop asks, what happened to your face? I say Wiamea Bay.

[Gumby]

That recap is pure gold. So well written, i can picture being out there where you were. Didn't have a question in mind but had to honour it with a reply.
So....(thinking of question)....what did you have for lunch?

[Beanpole]

Welcome........Back

[Narra Kook]

Ah. Good question. Shrimp scampi from Giovanni's Shrimp Truck, a famous food truck located on the North Shore. Twelve of the tastiest, garlic laden prawns you will ever eat served with rice. I even tried replicating it at home with marginal success.

[offshore1]

Ah. Good question. Shrimp scampi from Giovanni's Shrimp Truck, a famous food truck located on the North Shore. Twelve of the tastiest, garlic laden prawns you will ever eat served with rice. I even tried replicating it at home with marginal success.

Daz could probably help you there.

Great little story NK.

Um, why'd you and your girl stay in the middle of Honolulu? Seems to me that would be the armpit of the Sandwich Islands.

[chrisb]

Don't knock it, Honolulu's alright to stay at. I'm surprised that you just didn't surf Waikiki and Ala Moana where the waves are more gentle and to a kook's liking. After all, any wave is good fun.

[Trev]

Don't knock it, Honolulu's alright to stay at. I'm surprised that you just didn't surf Waikiki and Ala Moana where the waves are more gentle and to a kook's liking. After all, any wave is good fun.

You can still upset the locals even at Waikiki. I did, back in 2002.

[chrisb]

Don't knock it, Honolulu's alright to stay at. I'm surprised that you just didn't surf Waikiki and Ala Moana where the waves are more gentle and to a kook's liking. After all, any wave is good fun.

You can still upset the locals even at Waikiki. I did, back in 2002.

What did you do?
In 2000 I was dropped in on a few times and reciprocated on a few waves myself. No bad reactions but I think it was almost 100 percent tourists. The waves there were rolling and gentle enough to do the party wave thing with safety.

I have heard that Ala Moana just around the corner from Waikiki is somewhat more localised.

[Narra Kook]

I stayed in Honolulu because we had a package and cause that's what Kooks do.

Waikiki is even too tame for me. However, I have surfed in front of the Outrigger Canoe Club close by. It's a really long paddle out. From shore, you can barely see surfers way out.

[Narra Kook]

p.s. Only inexperienced kooks fear locals. Experienced kooks, who know surf etiquette, only fear rocks, close outs, and shallow water. I've never been harmed by a local, but those other three, yep!

I feared locals when I was a grom kook, but that was early 80s NN.

[Trev]

You'd have feared this prick. A seriously large and at least 6'6" tall (I'm 6'2) got the shits because I took off on an unbroken wall about 30 meters from him while he was going the other way.
He cut back, called me off and as he paddled back past me gave me a stink eye that NC would give his left nut to be able to do and told me not to do that again.
"Do what?" says I.
"WHAT DID YOU FCUKIN' SAY?"

Nothing sir.

[chrisb]

Don't you hate these jerks who change direction after taking off on a wave thereby wasting 50 percent of every peak that comes through.

[Narra Kook]

A mean glance never hurt anyone.

I hear you on the direction switch. What about guys who call "going right" when left is a better option? This is the bane of the goofy, of which I am one.

[Trev]

A mean glance never hurt anyone.

I hear you on the direction switch. What about guys who call "going right" when left is a better option? This is the bane of the goofy, of which I am one.

Wasn't the mean glance. It was the comment which accompanied it ((in caps above) plus the fact that he turned and started paddling straight at me.

[Beanpole]

A mean glance never hurt anyone.

I hear you on the direction switch. What about guys who call "going right" when left is a better option? This is the bane of the goofy, of which I am one.

Wasn't the mean glance. It was the comment which accompanied it ((in caps above) plus the fact that he turned and started paddling straight at me.

Well, let's face it, Trev. You were the interloper here. Bloody Ozzie Tourists.

[Trev]

Yep. Quite right. But I helped pay their unemployment benefits.

Prick turns up at my local, I'll have him. When he's not looking.

[Beanpole]

I remember someone from Kingscliff getting belted by Dane Keoloha at Dbah after an altercation in the surf.

[chrisb]

I presume that happened AT Kingscliff. As a visitor I would never beat up a local, even if I was a pro. In fact they should be setting the good example.