Just general surfing stuff

[Thud]

Fair enough then

[godsavetheking]

Not on my watch cnut.

I'm gonna make sure I fcuk this whole thing up forever, for everyone except Filipe Toledo.

Uh huh. Well, considering you have been blindsided by each and every wave pool development so far, you may want to put these dates in your diary:

2020 - to nobody's surprise and to almost no acclaim beyond surfing's four walls, the Olympics take place in a spanking new Surf Ranch

2022 - a sizeable network of wave pools now exists. Japan, the USA and Australia all host a CT event

2024 - the WQS transfers lock, stock and barrel to the pool

2025 - a discernible 'pool specialist' body type begins to emerge, featuring power packed arse and thighs with little T-rex arms that can paddle the four or five strokes needed to take off and nothing more

2027 - the WCT is, to all intents and purposes, entirely pool based. A limited 'Classic' series of ocean events continues to exist, largely for form's sake

2029 - with heartbreaking condescension the indefatigable Joe Turpel hails Kolohe Andino as "one of world's greatest ever crossover surfers" after his distant last place finish at the Emirates Open in Dubai. Unpacking that for us, 1989 world champion Martin Potter's nostalgic ramble about paddling and duckdiving and priority is met with a collective What the Fuck? on social media

2030 - the Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach Invitational, a contest without portfolio since 2026, finally closes its doors. The pool is VHS. It is the narrow gauge railway. It is Blu-ray. It has won

While the early 2020s see little change for the embattled lower intermediate, into the second half of the decade something miraculous begins to happen. To the amazement of shark scientists, the hitherto rather questionable trophic cascade hypothesis is proven as the removal of the snarling, testosterone-fuelled apex predator releases line-ups the world over from their fear-ordered control. The drop-in rule is consigned to history. Waves are measured in actual units and nobody gets punched in the throat for saying 7-9 feet. Inspired by the parkrun model, an English expat introduces finswap - a joyous hour on Saturday morning where early middle aged men gather in carparks across Australia to maximise the full potential of their mid-lengths. "The best surfer out there is the one having the most fun" is tattooed to many a pre-cancerous upper arm and aggressive, turn-based surfing is politely but persistently discouraged

[steve shearer]

hahahahhahahahahhaha.

um, boo, hoo.

[The Mighty Sunbird]

Sounds fantastic. No more kooks in the ocean!

[steve shearer]

Did you not read the last paragraph?

[Thud]

That was gold.

[The Mighty Sunbird]

I stand by my previous statement

[Beanpole]

Chatting to a few punters in the surf today. The overwhelming view was that the Surf Ranch event was boring. Abhorrently dull.

Even the sports presenter (Shane Webcke) and the female news reader, made disparaging comments about it last night on the Chanel 7 Brisbane news.

Along the lines of how unnatural it looked to see a wave in a swimming pool.

"That" Shane Webcke? Is he any good?

Yeah.
He is actually.
Comes across as very natural. And his diction is good, suggesting he has done some courses. Wally, not so much.

I remember him as being pretty articulate back in the day.
Sports commentators generally think surfing is a girly sport anyway. Unless it's huge.....then they just think they're crazy.

[Trev]

Chatting to a few punters in the surf today. The overwhelming view was that the Surf Ranch event was boring. Abhorrently dull.

Even the sports presenter (Shane Webcke) and the female news reader, made disparaging comments about it last night on the Chanel 7 Brisbane news.

Along the lines of how unnatural it looked to see a wave in a swimming pool.

"That" Shane Webcke? Is he any good?

Yeah.
He is actually.
Comes across as very natural. And his diction is good, suggesting he has done some courses. Wally, not so much.

I remember him as being pretty articulate back in the day.
Sports commentators generally think surfing is a girly sport anyway. Unless it's huge.....then they just think they're crazy.

He's normally got good things to say about surfing. He does think the big wave surfers are crazy but also expresses admiration for their guts.
While shaking his head and smiling.

[ajohnsen]

Lovely work, godsave

[Nick Carroll]

Yes yes god save but what will happen to Shane Webke? He disparaged the pool!!

[godsavetheking]

Good question. In due course the WSL will be launching the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Programme in association with Corona. Disparagers will be strongly encouraged to have their unreliable memories of the ocean replaced with WSL-approved Moments. The 'GOAT on a Ranch, with Kelly Slater' package would be fine for most but Webke looks like a hard bastard so he'd probably need a blast of 'I've Got A Vision, with Joe Turpel' as well

[steve shearer]

hahahahhahahahaha.

[Yuke Hunt]

hahahahhahahahaha.

Don't fucken laugh, you'll be next, and they won't be pussyfooting around with the sorefoot solution ... they'll be sending in the gatekeepers to sort you out.

[Nick Carroll]

Honestly gang, can I tell ya, they could not give a rats arse about the surf media or the core surfers, at all. At all.

Like this is the planet they live on: Natasha Ziff is currently employing Nathan “Hog” Hedge to scout the Philippines and Hainan etc for spots to visit on her next surf trip. Hog is up there right now as the big typhoon is flaring.

It’s an ENTIRELY different world.

[Thud]

That's ridiculous.

[alakaboo]

How did the hog get that gig?

[Thud]

Honestly gang, can I tell ya, they could not give a rats arse about the surf media or the core surfers, at all. At all.

Like this is the planet they live on: Natasha Ziff is currently employing Nathan “Hog” Hedge to scout the Philippines and Hainan etc for spots to visit on her next surf trip. Hog is up there right now as the big typhoon is flaring.

It’s an ENTIRELY different world.

Mike Pskillakis went on an "off the beaten track" trip up there last year. Saw some first hand photos, looked great.