RealSurf Surfers' Forum

Mate, you dont even know Laird so dont even talk about him.

I'm not really sure how to respond. I've spent quite a lot of time surfing on my own, probably from my middish teens I suppose, so it's not something that freaks me out or makes me feel lonely or weird. I pretty much hate other surfers, so don't think of surfing as any sort of social activity. Perhaps surfing, with all its narcissism and self-absorbtion, just kinda amplifies what you're feeling generally and if there's no one else around there are no other voices to intrude on your inner monologue. Christ knows

What I do get occasionally is a strong feeling of lack of satiety I suppose. It always reminds me of the line in one of Martin Amis's books about a character craving another cigarette even while he's still smoking one. The time I remember most is from 25 years ago, surfing the 300-400 yard right hand point off Lobos in the Canaries. It was 4-6 ft, perfect and with only a handful out so no competition yet I can still recall that feeling of intense envy?, jealousy? hunger? dunno, can't accurately describe it when paddling back out after kicking out. No real satisfaction just AGAIN, MORE. Bizarrely, I had it the other day when it was 1-2ft

On the other hand......Nick, unlike everyone else on here, rarely paddles out without knowing someone. Guess it's a novelty.

Nick Carroll wrote: ↑

Wed Jun 05, 2019 6:50 pm

steve shearer wrote: ↑

Wed Jun 05, 2019 5:58 pm

oh god, don't martyr yourself over a good days surfing for chrissakes.

thats what we do.

Look steve. I’m just thinking about it for chrissakes.

Yeah I know, it's great.
I'm just responding to the guilt, which I see expressed sometimes by others close to me.

And I know its a minority, unfashionable view but I love the camaraderie of surfing.

love my crew, love my people.

Oh jesus that was ghey Steve.

He's gotta keep pressing the flesh, kissing the babies loof otherwise his Beachgrit flock will turn on him. Behind closed doors he goes all Elton John, all 'oh you would. not. believe. this ghastly little man on the internet and his dreadful surfing stories'

Nick Carroll wrote: ↑

Wed Jun 05, 2019 4:44 pm

Maybe I am beginning to see some things differently in the wake of my dad's death. I used to kid myself that he wanted to hear about our surfing adventures, and he always seemed to enjoy the stories.

I think I missed something while I was on sabbatical.

Sorry about your dad, Nick. From what you've posted over the years, he sounded like a great role model and that you had a solid relationship with him.

steve shearer wrote: ↑

Wed Jun 05, 2019 7:42 pm

And I know its a minority, unfashionable view but I love the camaraderie of surfing.

love my crew, love my people.

I agree Steve.
There is nothing like having a good fun surf to yourself- once in a while.
But from the time I got back onto surfing in the mid 80s I've found myself as part of a great group of surfers.
Currumbin Alley, still friends with some of that crew.
The Bower, awesome early morning group.
And for the last 12 years at Moffs.
In tandem with that, for the last 6 as an honorary member of the group of Brissos who come up on Wednesdays.

Lots of fun, plenty of good natured bullshitting and probably most importantly, lots of encouragement to improve.

Well I’ve lived with the camaraderie of surfing since my very first day of it. Could have done with some of it today.

Thanks aj! It wasn’t long ago and I am still passing through the early stages of it.

When my mum died many years ago....I walked down to the beach for a swim at Wommin Bay on the day of the funeral with an old girlfriend who had come over to give a bit of moral support. Unusually the surf was looking a lot better than usual. Went back and got my board and paddled out. I caught one wave and pulled into the best barrel I can safely say I ever saw or surfed along there. Came out paddled in and went to the ceremony.

Beanpole wrote: ↑

Wed Jun 05, 2019 7:29 pm

On the other hand......Nick, unlike everyone else on here, rarely paddles out without knowing someone. Guess it's a novelty.

It’s not. I’ve had many surfs like today, like bombing 6-10’ plus days here in Sydney by myself. This was the first time I experienced the feeling of it being a weird, feral thing to do.

It's not a popular or easy thing to admit to, but I didn't miss my father after he died. I have to pretend to everyone (except my wife) that I do. We didn't have a bad relationship. It was probably best described as superficial.

Love your honesty Aj.

Nick Carroll wrote: ↑

Wed Jun 05, 2019 8:02 pm

Beanpole wrote: ↑

Wed Jun 05, 2019 7:29 pm

On the other hand......Nick, unlike everyone else on here, rarely paddles out without knowing someone. Guess it's a novelty.

It’s not. I’ve had many surfs like today, like bombing 6-10’ plus days here in Sydney by myself. This was the first time I experienced the feeling of it being a weird, feral thing to do.

Is "weird" exactly what you mean Nick? Were there associated feelings and emotions?

Even weird has a range of meanings:
1 : suggesting something supernatural; unearthly
2 : of strange or extraordinary character : odd, fantastic. 3 : of, relating to, or caused by witchcraft or the supernatural : magical. weird.

I'm usually thankful to be by myself, although I do enjoy surfing with a few buddies more

Well grief works in mysterious ways. Often a sense of loss can feel like a feeling of being in the wild. Also losing an elder family member is the precursor of fundamental change n your life that maybe your senses feel before your logical mind processes the implications.

I've got a pretty shit memory, but one thing that is clear, especially the feeling, is the day of my mum's funeral. After the service, there was a wake back at our house. I had only just turned eighteen and didn't understand why the adults were standing around, drinking and laughing. So, I quietly snuck off and went down to Long Reef. It was mid-winter. The surf was small, maybe 2-3 foot with a moderate SW blowing. No one was out at No Man's and I had it to myself for a couple of hours. I remember the colour and texture of the water, the warmth of the sun and the chill of the air, the spray off the back of the waves, even the bittersweet feeling of surfing when everyone else was at school. It was weird and beautiful and sad and I was alone, but not lonely. I'm glad I had surfing to turn to that day.

Grief is a hell of a journey.