Ask Carroll

[Nick Carroll]

You're a little bit on fire tonight aren't ya?

Ron, I'm always on fire.

[Nick Carroll]

Au contraire Mr Nick ... the good doctor Hunter S Thompson most certainly could ... and well too ... Cuban cigars are mandatory ... aviators an option.

My question(s) ... Has that heinous blight on sight and sound finally climaxed ? ... no I'm not talking about grooter ... the movie comp ... is it done ... finished ... Kaputt ... or are the pundits still waiting on Shearer to vote.

In speaking of Shearer ... he seems to be hating on Mr Fanning of late ... do you find his criticism harsh or justified ?

Yes but Hunter S Thompson is dead.

The movie comp appears to be over, winner of the four man final being ajonhsen. Given how the whole thing ran, I think it would be appropriate if shearer voted ex dividend, after all he started the fcuken thing, and pointless voting was what it was all about really

re the Fanning thing, I don't know what the criticism is, haven't had an eye on shearer's website, what am I missing?

[crabmeat thompson]

Nick. Inevitably, when Aldi rules the world.

... Will you ride their boards while wearing their wetsuits?

[Nick Carroll]

Nick. Inevitably, when Aldi rules the world.

... Will you ride their boards while wearing their wetsuits?

We will all do whatever it takes to continue surfing in the new Aldi World Order.

[Nick Carroll]

I went and had a read of shearer's site, looking for the Fanning Bashing, but found just one bit where he suggested Mick's rankings lead was a travesty given his form for much of the year. I do not regard that as being an off the hook thought, despite some gorgeous single-wave surfing, Mick has gone in and out of form this year and has rarely looked like an event winner in later rounds when the pressure and skills have come on. He has slid up the middle on points between the two surfers who will sort this year out (Parko and Kelly) and the two or three who are in stellar form (JJF, Jordy and Michel).

For a clearer picture of what's going on, just lop off the two low scores and you'll see who's got the real edges.

I do doubt his call on Joel's win, yeah it was a win-ugly, but he's lost very prettily this year a couple of times, and I bet I know which one he prefers. Winning ugly is how world championships are built. (And by the way commentators, that's where the "house" is "built", on the overall rankings, not in the fcuken heats.)

[PeepeelaPew]

...

[Nick Carroll]

Now just a word of warning to all other Realsurfers.

Matticus Finch has brought up an Embarrassing Bodies style medical issue here.

I will answer it, but only because Matticus has been in such fantastic form elsewhere on Realsurf. So don't the rest of youse start pulling out your anal fistulas and expecting me to help.

So on to post-catheterial penile drip.

I feel it is possible that in your case Matticus this may be only a short term affliction. You are still young and presumably have no yet undergone prostate cancer surgery.

According to the Britain-based Continence Foundation, there is a wide range of things you might consider to be of use. Along with your Kegel exercises, you can cut down on excessive alcohol or caffeine, train your bladder to empty fully every single time, have electrical stimulation applies to the muscles surrounding the ureter, use absorbent pads, take various medications, or even undergo corrective surgery.

I strongly advise against any impulsive action though. Urine may be unsightly if inadvertently spilled on your slacks, but after all, it will not hurt you in any way. Whereas trying to cut your dick off with a razor blade will hurt like shit.

For more information see http://www.continence-foundation.org.uk/#3 . That goes for you too woolly.

[GeckoTube]

Hey Nick,
Why aren't asymmetrical surfboards more popular?
Do you think there's any benefit to be had in everyday boards by having different tail shapes and fin setups in each side to suit backside VS frontside surfing?

[swvic]

Well I'm not expecting any advice from Carroll, but I will talk briefly of my anal fistula. After it was repaired, I took to using sanitary pads to absorb the small amount of bleeding that occurred for a few days post-op. They weren't thick and bulky, rather very thin. In fact they were so thin I think they'd be more than suitable for your condition, Matticus. Barely noticable in the tightest of slacks

[Nick Carroll]

Hey Nick,
Why aren't asymmetrical surfboards more popular?
Do you think there's any benefit to be had in everyday boards by having different tail shapes and fin setups in each side to suit backside VS frontside surfing?

Well this is a relief.

Might answer these in reverse. I've always been interested in asymmetrical surfboard design and experimented with it quite a bit in the 80s thanks to AB. Always with the long rail on the heel side and the shorter, more curved rail on the toe side. Fins were placed symmetrically.

Learned a lot about different types of turns from these boards but over the longer term found no actual advantage, ie I didn't feel a specific long term improvement in performance, and felt the complexities outweighed the advantages.

I think a lot of surfers go through this lil flirtation, indeed younger brother has an asymmetrical right now and is finding it interesting.

Currently I tend to offset fins on my boards just very slightly, I drop the backside rail fin a bit back from the frontside rail fin, it's only an eighth to a quarter of an inch but I find it makes a significant difference that seems to match the different types of pressure I put on each rail. I'm a fan of those Surfinz boxes 'cause they let you shift an FCS plug fin up and down the box in a range of half an inch or so if you want.

So I do think there's something in asymmetry but that the asymmetry doesn't need to be dramatic in order to work.

As to why asymmetric boards aren't popular, well I suspect there's many reasons for that. A big one is summarised above, ie, they're interesting but not that big a deal performance-wise as far as advancing a surfer's performance goes.

They're also scary to look at, many surfers would not risk $700 on an asymmetric design without a lot of proof that they work better than a normal outline.

They're limited to whatever percentage of the market they represent, ie an individual asymmetric board is limited to the natural-foot market or the goofy foot market. This includes re-sale.

Underneath all that is the question of what you're trying to fix through asymmetric design. The asymmetry of backside or frontside? The asymmetry of stance? The asymmetry of the wave itself?

Maybe symmetry is the best answer given all that existing asymmetry.
KISS in this area methinks.

[Natho]

Hi Matticus,

as a former fellow penile dribbler I can vouch for the 'milking' technique.
I was often left with a tear or two to shed from the japs eye after a pi$$. The fact that I was a lightening quick pi$$er did not help as I tended to rush things and cut the stream off prematurely, only to finish it off down my leg later. That has now been fixed thanks to milking. After a pi$$ just tuck a firm finger or two up behind the nut sack and push. Wooppeee. You will be amazed at how much pi$$ is stuck in the pi$$ pipes. Most gents can experience this additional relief whether they shed a tear or two or not. Great way to really drain the pipes.
If I may be of any further help or support please let me know.
Natho

[PeepeelaPew]

...

[Trev]

I wish someone would milk this thread of the current topic and get back to something (anything) surf related ...

Well, the topic just says, "Ask Carroll".
Nothing about it having to be surf related.

[ctd]

I wish someone would milk this thread of the current topic and get back to something (anything) surf related ...

Ok, Nick, you may have answered this somewhere in the last 10,000 posts, but the SMH had a thing on Mick Fanning in its weekend magazine including anecdotes of being a grommet and the 'tricks' played on his (buried up to his neck in sand with a dog turd shoved under his nose).

So what were your favourite/least favourite/most memorable experiences?

And, while we are reminiscing, I noticed that Bob Meistrell - 'inventor' of the surf wetsuit - just died. Any war stories on the development of wetsuits/dealing with wetsuits in the olden days... some of the obits mentioned that there was significant resistance to use of wetsuits when they first appeared and I imagine they werent quite the slimline flexible things of today.

Also, pure white board or fancy spray job?

[crabmeat thompson]

Nick. Are there any redeeming features to the male form?

All that hairy crack and balls. I fail to see anything attractive about us.

[petulance]

Ok, Nick, you may have answered this somewhere in the last 10,000 posts, but the SMH had a thing on Mick Fanning in its weekend magazine including anecdotes of being a grommet and the 'tricks' played on his (buried up to his neck in sand with a dog turd shoved under his nose).

*ahem*

While Fanning gets a mention in the article, the grom in question was Joel Parkinson.

[el rancho]

If only there was some way you could milk an anal fistula swvic. I don't suppose it has nipples?

The only time I ever wore pads was in hospital and those things were pretty much the size of a house brick that's been sliced in half lengthways. My current technique is to simply wait for a minute after finishing just to be sure. Still waiting for my chance to test this scrotal manipulation technique.

now I understand why pensioners always take 8 times as long to take a piss when you see em in a shopping centre dunnies on a thursday morning.

[petulance]

OK Nick, this is something I have been noticing lately.

On my backhand, I can remain near the top of the wave after takeoff. However on my forehand I tend to drop much further down the wave. Is this normal? Or am I not turning my head far enough to look down the line when I takeoff on my forehand?