Ask Carroll

[Nick Carroll]

Clearly the sports have much to learn from each other.

[daryl]

can't help

I need to enlist the help of a cyclist.

I got abused by a full on, all the gear, genuine cyclist the other morning. It was about 5:45am and I was heading for a surf at Currumbin/ tugun.

These three lycra-wearing dildos were racing down the street. I could see them, they were going too fast for the upcoming corner and for some reason they were not slowing down for it.

I actually crossed the lines onto the other side of the street to accommodate them taking the corner so wide because they cut the corner so wide at speed.

Next minute, the front guy bangs on my car and starts swearing at me to have a f'n think about things.

Think about what? How you turds, in order to converse while you ride, will ride side-by-side taking up the entire lane of road, rather than single file, making motorists come to a complete stop and sit at 25 km/h until the traffic on the other side of the road clears?

Think about, how if you took the corner just now at an appropriate speed and could be bothered to gear down, you wouldn't had to take it so wide, forcing me onto the other side of the road?

Think about how if you want to play bikes properly, you should hit the rural roads and actually do some hard riding, thus losing your ridiculous lycra-clad paunch in doing so and freeing up the suburban streets with your horrible antics?

Think about why I didn't just stick to my side of the road and run you all over instead?

What is it, that I should have been thinking about exactly, because I still don't know, and when I stopped my car after he slapped it and swore at me, he couldn't get out of there fast enough to answer my questions.

This experience along with the many, many times I am forced to sit behind them in my car while they shoot the breeze and literally take up the while road, has given me a somewhat fatalistic outlook that all cyclists are twats.

[andy2476]

not even one name ?

I'll bite... And without googling and straight from the top of my head

Lance
Contador
Pantani
Tyler Hamilton
Floyd Landis

So what's your point Reg?

How do yo you or (now) dillw know they are dopers ?

[daryl]

^
thats not a genuine cyclist, it's a deluded git whot thinks it's doing Tour de France.

[channels]

not even one name ?

I'll bite... And without googling and straight from the top of my head

Lance
Contador
Pantani
Tyler Hamilton
Floyd Landis

So what's your point Reg?

How do yo you or (now) dillw know they are dopers ?

In my spare time and when I'm not posting on realsurf, I'm a sports scientist who personally handled the blood bags, vials and syringes of every pro team on the Tour. That's how I know!

If the internet has taught us anything, it is that anonymous people on the net should be taken on their word.

[Trev]

I need to enlist the help of a cyclist.

I got abused by a full on, all the gear, genuine cyclist the other morning. It was about 5:45am and I was heading for a surf at Currumbin/ tugun.

These three lycra-wearing dildos were racing down the street. I could see them, they were going too fast for the upcoming corner and for some reason they were not slowing down for it.

I actually crossed the lines onto the other side of the street to accommodate them taking the corner so wide because they cut the corner so wide at speed.

Next minute, the front guy bangs on my car and starts swearing at me to have a f'n think about things.

Think about what? How you turds, in order to converse while you ride, will ride side-by-side taking up the entire lane of road, rather than single file, making motorists come to a complete stop and sit at 25 km/h until the traffic on the other side of the road clears?

Think about, how if you took the corner just now at an appropriate speed and could be bothered to gear down, you wouldn't had to take it so wide, forcing me onto the other side of the road?

Think about how if you want to play bikes properly, you should hit the rural roads and actually do some hard riding, thus losing your ridiculous lycra-clad paunch in doing so and freeing up the suburban streets with your horrible antics?

Think about why I didn't just stick to my side of the road and run you all over instead?

What is it, that I should have been thinking about exactly, because I still don't know, and when I stopped my car after he slapped it and swore at me, he couldn't get out of there fast enough to answer my questions.

This experience along with the many, many times I am forced to sit behind them in my car while they shoot the breeze and literally take up the while road, has given me a somewhat fatalistic outlook that all cyclists are twats.

I'm with you on this Braithy.
Up in my neck of the woods where it's all flat they take over the suburb 2 or 3 days a week - often on the weekend when the palathon (or whatever the fcuk it's called) files past my back door numbering somewhere between 30 and 50, all chattering away at the tops of their voices and waking decent citicens from their hard earned weekend sleep in at about 5am. And woe betide you if you try to pass the pricks in a car.

[daryl]

not even one name ?

I'll bite... And without googling and straight from the top of my head

Lance
Contador
Pantani
Tyler Hamilton
Floyd Landis

So what's your point Reg?

How do yo you or (now) dillw know they are dopers ?

In my spare time and when I'm not posting on realsurf, I'm a sports scientist who personally handled the blood bags, vials and syringes of every pro team on the Tour. That's how I know!

If the internet has taught us anything, it is that anonymous people on the net should be taken on their word.

[Deesee]

Ice is fkn deadly... I had 5 mates get right into it - 3 are dead (2 suicides, 1 mis-adventure), the other 2 have stopped over 5 years ago but are effectively non-functioning members of society..

Can't hold down jobs, have a conversation, always jittery or on edge, erratic and on meds for stabilisation.. One of them was my best mate who was super popular and was boning 21 yo women when he was 16 whilst we were doing our best to get stinky fingers from drunk back yard party girls.. Such a fkn waste..

My mates mum is a doctor who studies effects of illegal drugs and she was telling us that ice eats away the brain and causes permanent brain damage.. Quicker than alcohol etc and can mimick early Alzheimer's..

Nick, you did the right thing helping your bro climb out that hole, these people need a heap of help, the earlier the better.. I hope there are no long term effects..

[Deesee]

Anyway surfing related...

The short and stubby board craze doesn't seem to agree with me.. I've given it a go for a couple of years but went back to my 6'1 x 18 1/2 x 2 1/4 (single) hps. Fair enough it didn't go as good in the small stuff, so I experimented on my latest small wave board by having the dimensions slightly bulkier but the same length 6'1 x 18 5/8 x 2 5/16 with a slightly boxier rail and the tail rocker lessened by 3/16 (single to double).. This board rides so much better than the sub 5'9 fat things.. Also smaller fins helped.. oh yeah, I now ride thrusters after riding quads exclusively for a year.. Just love the feel of it in comparison..

So, do you think the short stubby board will continue? Are you a quad convert?

[andy2476]

Ice is fkn deadly... I had 5 mates get right into it - 3 are dead

Not only deadly but a really bad aim as well.

[andy2476]

I need to enlist the help of a cyclist.

I got abused by a full on, all the gear, genuine cyclist the other morning. It was about 5:45am and I was heading for a surf at Currumbin/ tugun.

These three lycra-wearing dildos were racing down the street. I could see them, they were going too fast for the upcoming corner and for some reason they were not slowing down for it.

I actually crossed the lines onto the other side of the street to accommodate them taking the corner so wide because they cut the corner so wide at speed.

Next minute, the front guy bangs on my car and starts swearing at me to have a f'n think about things.

Think about what? How you turds, in order to converse while you ride, will ride side-by-side taking up the entire lane of road, rather than single file, making motorists come to a complete stop and sit at 25 km/h until the traffic on the other side of the road clears?

Think about, how if you took the corner just now at an appropriate speed and could be bothered to gear down, you wouldn't had to take it so wide, forcing me onto the other side of the road?

Think about how if you want to play bikes properly, you should hit the rural roads and actually do some hard riding, thus losing your ridiculous lycra-clad paunch in doing so and freeing up the suburban streets with your horrible antics?

Think about why I didn't just stick to my side of the road and run you all over instead?

What is it, that I should have been thinking about exactly, because I still don't know, and when I stopped my car after he slapped it and swore at me, he couldn't get out of there fast enough to answer my questions.

This experience along with the many, many times I am forced to sit behind them in my car while they shoot the breeze and literally take up the while road, has given me a somewhat fatalistic outlook that all cyclists are twats.

They probably are fuckwits. I mean they're probably Queenslanders and anyway, God knows most people ****. Just a couple of points though regarding your well thought out and reasonable argument.

These superannuated lycra louts were behind you and you crossed to the other side of the road to go around a corner ?

They were only going 25 km an hour yet the corner was too tight to get around, so possibly a blind corner, that you drove on the wrong side of the road around ?

Most people who ride a bike on a the road, even paunchy dickhead Queenslanders realise that it is legal to ride two abreast and much safer because it lessens the chance of being run into a ditch by a sexually frustrated born again christian on a super important mission, to go for a surf.

[philw]

Andy - how do we know they doped ? They confessed. If you are trolling to get a response of any kind, congrats. If not, I suggest the clinic on cyclingnews.com - but your post footer will make you look like a guy with a mini mal and all terrain sandals walking down Bondi road so pucker up

[Lucky Al]

Nick, I'm trying to help my five-year-old son learn to ride a bike. Any tips?

[Nick Carroll]

Anyway surfing related...

The short and stubby board craze doesn't seem to agree with me.. I've given it a go for a couple of years but went back to my 6'1 x 18 1/2 x 2 1/4 (single) hps. Fair enough it didn't go as good in the small stuff, so I experimented on my latest small wave board by having the dimensions slightly bulkier but the same length 6'1 x 18 5/8 x 2 5/16 with a slightly boxier rail and the tail rocker lessened by 3/16 (single to double).. This board rides so much better than the sub 5'9 fat things.. Also smaller fins helped.. oh yeah, I now ride thrusters after riding quads exclusively for a year.. Just love the feel of it in comparison..

So, do you think the short stubby board will continue? Are you a quad convert?

I think maybe the short stubby thing has run its course for many surfers and over the next year or so you'll see a shift back a bit toward former lengths but with a bit more width and thickness preserved.

You'll probably also see a shift back toward three fins among a lot of guys who went to four as they get a bit bored with the quad in most normal Aust surf conditions and feel a desire for the thruster again.

A lot of guys will get a bit bored with the single fin revival for similar reasons.

These would be trends only and won't necessarily reflect every surfers individual taste.

I've been thinking this summer that maybe board design cycles are a bit like the cicada birth cycles, they go round every seven years. Ie at the start lots of guys are riding board A, then board B pops up, and it gives a lot of guys a change in feeling which we all like from time to time, accessory C is added to board B and everyone's into that, over time board B/C becomes the norm, then the norm is vaguely boring again and everyone starts looking for a re connection to board A.

You could explain the hipster board style as a double 17-year cicada cycle.

Re quads, I dunno about convert, I mucked around with tight outlined lil swallow quads back in 2007 at the start of the cycle and immediately felt they weren't as good as thrusters in an overall sense but they would do a few things a bit better, ie holding a line and running a bit freer in the back end. I think because I was riding Maurice's deep concaves and we were on a path of way higher lift and speed than most boards then that replaced the quad feel for me. I def think quads are better in big big waves and have advantages in long barrels and they're fun to play with going back and forth with three fins to keep your surfing fresh, but they're also a touch harder to control for many surfers and they're harder to stay in touch with if you're not surfing all that much, ie less than four times a week. They really suit some outlines, anything designed to run parallel.

[Nick Carroll]

Nick, I'm trying to help my five-year-old son learn to ride a bike. Any tips?

Well as Fongss has pointed out he and I are pretty much the same person so I would take his advice for one

Teaching my own grommets I found it hugely helpful to get them a bike with training wheels that could then be removed as they grew in confidence and skills.

It should be his bike though and his territory, he should be allowed to own the bike fully, cover it with appalling stickers and even streamers etc if he feels it is appropriate.

One day he will grow out of it, you would expect perhaps that this will be one of those minorly tragic partings of the ways that one sees in kiddie movies all the time, but instead it will probably involve him getting a new bigger bike then callously abandoning his old two wheeled companion without a second glance, a good childhood has no room for sappy sentiment.

[crabmeat thompson]

They probably are ****. I mean they're probably Queenslanders and anyway, God knows most people ****. Just a couple of points though regarding your well thought out and reasonable argument.

These superannuated lycra louts were behind you and you crossed to the other side of the road to go around a corner ?

They were only going 25 km an hour yet the corner was too tight to get around, so possibly a blind corner, that you drove on the wrong side of the road around ?

Most people who ride a bike on a the road, even paunchy dickhead Queenslanders realise that it is legal to ride two abreast and much safer because it lessens the chance of being run into a ditch by a sexually frustrated born again christian on a super important mission, to go for a surf.

No, they were in front of me, 2 of them side by side, and they were going too fast for the corner as I approached them from the rear, ie if they geared down they could have taken the corner and stuck to the bike lane. They took the corner wide because they were going to fast. I anticipated their foolishness and selfishness and went around them and crossed the lanes onto the other side of the road.

If I'd taken a normal line into the corner the outside guy who slapped my car would be tomato paste, which in light of everything, wouldn't be the worst outcome for the world. Surely?

I think he was pissed because I didn't simply slow down and sit behind them so he didn't have to break his conversation.

really it's illegal to ride side-by-side?

I've seen 4 of them side by side taking up the entire lane of traffic in deep conversation. They think they freaking own the road.

It's these dickheads that make it tough for the guys who do the right thing. Painted with the same brush and all that.

I use to feel the plight for the cyclists, now I couldn't care one little shit for them.

[andy2476]

So you passed them going round a corner ?

Had a licence long ?

Why didn't you wait to pass legally ?

Do you feel the same way about slow moving trucks or buses or learner drivers who are holding you up. Do visions of tomato pasting those people enter your head ?

obviously what laws apply to cyclists aren't the only road rules that have escaped your attention. Might be time for a refresher course.

[crabmeat thompson]

Nice try Armstrong. I would have passed them legally had they stuck to the bike lane.

Buses and learners aren't breaking any rules, and are they no way selfishly hogging the road in order to have a conversation ... so no it does not piss me off sitting behind them.

Might be time for all the little men with their shaved legs who want to play on bikes to stick to the bike paths? What do you think?

Or saddle up the little nuts they have and hit the open rural roads. Plenty of them out here. Tomewin is an epic, hilly ride through currumbin valley, tweed coast is scenic and has a few challenging climbs.

Why play in the traffic, disobey the road rules, and act all pissed off when motorists stick to the road and the speed limit?

lol cycling. If there's a more worthless pursuit, let me know of it.