Vital Health Information ...

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Surfin Turf
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Vital Health Information ...

Post by Surfin Turf » Tue Feb 02, 2010 12:44 pm

http://www.awash.org.au/index.html

This is vitally important ... It is presently 'Salt Awareness Week' ... (see link)

Apparently salt can kill you, cause all sorts of health issues and we are all at risk due to too much salt ... there is 'salt' in the sea water :shock: so in an attempt to help save you all I have a number of suggestions to help you avoid horrible salt related death's ...

1. All people who were thinking about having a surf lesson and taking up surfing need to forget this notion immediately and take up some other life changing but non-sea water related past time ...

2. Everyone who surf's must immediately stop surfing, or at least drastically reduce the amount of time spent surfing ... if you do happen to venture into the salt water for a surf you should go back in after one wave ...

3. All people who feel compelled to send text messages to their mates advising them of the surf conditions need to create this standard template and it should be the only text message sent to your mates ... :arrow: "Warning, there is salt in the water, do not come surfing, stay away from the beach" ...

4. Stand-up paddling does not remove the risk of contact with the salt ... it is commonly known that stand-up paddling is ridiculous and as such the salt will want to harm you anyway by crawling up the stupid paddle and attacking you ...

5. Wearing steamers will not help, you will just look stupid in summer and be laughed at ... wearing boardshorts over your steamer will help as you will be ridiculed in the carpark prior to your surf to the point that you will start crying and will leave thus removing the exposure to the salt water ...

6. Digging a hole and riding a 1 foot high ripple for 20 metres is the only safe way to surf now ... the water will be highly polluted and will give you diareah for a month but you will not be exoposed to salt water so will be safe ... surfshop owners should start ranging shovels and I suggest you get in early to buy yours before the 'big three' start using slave labour in third world countries produce a range of cheaply made pop-out shovels that they overcharge for because it's signed by a celebraty hole digger ...

7. Don't surf ... just don't surf ... :idea:

beware of salt and please take this seriously for your own sake ... :idea:

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Animal_Chin
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Re: Vital Health Information ...

Post by Animal_Chin » Tue Feb 02, 2010 1:00 pm

Surfin Turf wrote:http://www.awash.org.au/index.html

4. Stand-up paddling does not remove the risk of contact with the salt ... it is commonly known that stand-up paddling is ridiculous and as such the salt will want to harm you anyway by crawling up the stupid paddle and attacking you ...
I lolled. :D
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channels
Snowy McAllister
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Re: Vital Health Information ...

Post by channels » Tue Feb 02, 2010 2:14 pm

Like sunscreen, most salts cause cancer!

Only vitamin D can save you from exposure to salt.

daryl
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Re: Vital Health Information ...

Post by daryl » Tue Feb 02, 2010 4:03 pm

Lakes are :roll: safe

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Surfin Turf
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Re: Vital Health Information ...

Post by Surfin Turf » Tue Feb 02, 2010 4:06 pm

yes , excellent idea daz ... if you don't have a shovel then everyone should only surf in a freshwater lake ... :idea:

daryl
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Re: Vital Health Information ...

Post by daryl » Tue Feb 02, 2010 4:20 pm

Reinforce the fins or make the board out of varnished mahogany, against rocks and then hell-raisers can surf whitewater.

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Chillin
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Re: Vital Health Information ...

Post by Chillin » Tue Feb 02, 2010 5:17 pm

Yep, and wearing boardies, thongs and frikken beanie in the middle of summer means that you will be rolled in salt like a pork roast and strapped to the underside of a SUP being paddled by a nob whose trying to film seals in the great white breeding grounds. http://vimeo.com/5267822
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Yuke Hunt
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Re: Vital Health Information ...

Post by Yuke Hunt » Tue Feb 02, 2010 7:42 pm

The harming effects of salt can be neutralized by rubbing liberal amounts of baby fur seal fat over the entire body before entering the water ... to further enhance these salt repelling qualities ... all boardshorts and wetsuits should be soaked with a concentrated mixture of tuna oil and blood-n- bone ... to ensure the success of this method make sure you only surfing at dusk or dawn ... and avoid sunscreen at all costs.
The moving finger writes and having writ moves on ... now all thy piety nor wit shall lure it back to cancel even half a line ... nor all thy tears wash out a single word of it.

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