Settling down, becomeing a responsible person?

[marcus]

Been talking some heavy relationship talk lately.
The kind where you think of the future and one day having kids and all that adult stuff. The kind where the girl in your life wants to know what your thinking.
Id like to know from some of the people on here that are risk takers, how does it change when you settle down and have kids etc.
I once read an article in a surfing magasine where a waimea / big wave guy (i cant remember who) said when he had a kid, it made it harder to paddle into those extra bomb size waves.
Does settling down necessarilly have to mean being responsible and not "going"?

I have to admit, the idea of settling down and being normal is very scary

[porca]

I only notice I cant be as selfish as I was with my time, i want to get home to see my son.
But, I still surf twice a day and try to do some training in there as well.

I think that if you are going to "settle down" try to only do it once. I think that you need to be confident that she/he is the one, or as confident as you can be.

[fearless fly]

hey marcus, whatever you do make sure you set up and get agreement on the rules about pursuing personal interests like surfing and the freedom to do so before making that final commitment.














I mean, it won't help, but at least you'll hold the high moral ground when she pulls the rug from under any agreement you had

[kreepykrawly]

As long as you maintain your "f-ckedupdedness" then everything should be fine.

Last weekend ended up at the Mona Vale hotel doing handstands on the dance floor and doing the sashimi roll across the dance floor trying to take out as many gesticulating punters as I could.

But I must concede that I really do think more before I do any f-cked up thing. Having a kid did settle me down a bit…. but that’s a good thing…because there was a good chance that I would’ve ended up killing myself.

And as far as surfing goes. I don’t want to surf any death defying shit anymore.



There you go weasels….I’m not perfect like you all think I am .

I have more to say but i have to do a poo.

[BA]

"f-ckedupdedness"

[Kunji]

So i take it the Accomodator went well then?

Have you moved in with her yet? It makes or breaks relationships.

[RickyG]

I can't really comment on the impact it has on taking risks in the surf (I'm no charger ) but as fearless fly says you need to mark out some boundaries re persuing your own interests - in this case surf time. I'd very much doubt your significant other would be under any misconceptions about surfing and what it means to you so you should be most of the way there.

Settling down (ie cohabitation with or without a mortgage) isn't the biggy in my opinion - having kids and the impact it has on your relationship and your free time (not to mention sleep!) is the killer. I often find myself looking back to my unattached youth with fondness and wonder where it all went wrong But you've gotta move on and grow and learn and raise sproglets and all that D&M stuff. As hard as it gets not many of us would be happy living as 21 year-olds our whole life if you really think about it (well, I'll probably be corrected on that point no doubt!).
Good luck with it mate

[hey, I've just joined the 100 club!]

[porca]

Last weekend ended up at the Mona Vale hotel doing handstands on the dance floor and doing the sashimi roll across the dance floor trying to take out as many gesticulating punters as I could.

.

That is so funny

a week ago at Bulli hotel I was doing "the koala bear" you see someone across the bar and run as fast as you can pissed, jump and wrap your arms and legs around them and crash them to the floor. I got 3 in before being asked to leave for a wobbly walk home

[marcus]

So i take it the Accomodator went well then?

Have you moved in with her yet? It makes or breaks relationships.

Coops, nah the accomodator is still in its box

See Ive been hanging with an ex girlfriend that has just started to recover from cancer, while she was overseas and just recently come home. She would like to see how things go with me, get a little serious etc as she knows she can trust me and loves me.
She is serious about going the long haul. accomodator not even contemplated at the moment coops.

[Nick Carroll]

marcus I don't reckon there is a single template for this sort of thing but it does seem like you have to do a bit of letting go in order to bring new stuff into your life.

Having a kid and bringing the kid up as well as you can is far more of a heavy thing to do than ride a few big waves, plenty of "big wave heroes" haven't managed to do that. Mostly from my observations because they haven't been able to give up pretending they were 21.

I know for me having kids caused me to become more calculated in bigger surf and oddly allowed me to advance my feeling for surfing in general as a result -- sorta caused me to pay more attention if that makes sense. So it's not cut-and-dried at all and I feel no loss, indeed a massive gain...though I do recall feeling much as you do now before the onset of parenthood.

What you might be having to let go is that image of yourself as "not normal", truly it's a puff of smoke, nobody's normal and yet everyone is. Whoever you are in your core today is how you will be with kids too.

[bro]

The risk thing will depend on the individual but as others have said it is more about the lack of free time to pursue your interest that is the most difficult thing to deal with but you do have a choice

1) you can resent the lack of free time and allow it to ruin what you have

or

2) embrace the changes in your life and the new experiences, surf as much as you can when you can and hope that in a few years you will be pushing little Johhny/Jenny into their first wave sending them on a life long journey of pure stoke that you know so well and then sharing waves with them for the rest of your life, with them dragging you to the beach every chance they get

all the best

[AndyTheMan]

Mate,

I'm not sure that 'settline down' actually ever happens.

I have a mate - married 3 years ago, now has a son aged 2.

The whole 'settling down' thing didn't change his life squat!!

He still surfs 3 times a week, still goes skiing, his wife still runs every second morning - they just have to manage it a bit differently.

I surfed with them on Sunday.

Him and his wife took turns on the board, whilst the other looked over the little fella.

They were talking about the time (perhaps 8-10 years away) when the little fella will be out hte back with them on a board of his own!!!

Kids and 'settling down' didn't seem to change their life much!

[still here]

I wouldn't do it !

[Kunji]

Ahhh Marcus, the old grass is greener on the other side. Well is it really?

I take it didnt end with finality with the ex that you had lunch with the other day?

p.s. Ive always wanted to know, without sounding like a stoked grom, NC what is the biggest wave you have ridden. Scale: 1ft = 1 x 0.5.

[marcus]

cheers fellas for all your advice

[RickyG]

1) you can resent the lack of free time and allow it to ruin what you have

or

2) embrace the changes in your life and the new experiences, surf as much as you can when you can and hope that in a few years you will be pushing little Johhny/Jenny into their first wave sending them on a life long journey of pure stoke that you know so well and then sharing waves with them for the rest of your life, with them dragging you to the beach every chance they get

all the best

Couldn't have put it better myself - that's what keeps me going through the tough times!

[Chamberess]

Last weekend ended up at the Mona Vale hotel doing handstands on the dance floor and doing the sashimi roll across the dance floor trying to take out as many gesticulating punters as I could.

But would it work with a bit of Capoeira i wonder...



And moving in does make/break the relationship (whoever said it- spot on)

[Nick Carroll]

NC what is the biggest wave you have ridden. Scale: 1ft = 1 x 0.5.

25 feet.

I was a parent at the time