Advice on uncalled-for drop ins

Post by **Nicko** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 1:28 pm

Hello all

I'm after some advice on something that's driving me slowly crazy, and I'm sure some of you may have had to deal with this in the past. Perhaps you can enlighten me on how I might deal with this situation. Any guidance would be much appreciated.

Here's the thing: there's this guy I know, and I've known him in the surf for more than ten years. He's younger than me so I've watched him grow from a 14 year old no respect grom into a 24 year old no respect older grom. He's now good enough to get himself sponsored. We surf the same breaks on a regular basis, and are even part of the same club (albeit in different divisions) so I know who he is, and he knows who I am. He knows how long I've been surfing and that it's been longer than him. He dropped in on me many moons ago and we had some words and things kinda backed off for some time, but for me I've always known that this was going to happen again. More recently he has taken to blatantly dropping in once more.

Now this guy has a rep as a selfish prick who's in it for himself and so I don't know the best approach to take, but I'm not a violent man. I've tried not taking off on waves he's going to go, I've tried befriending him and I've tried avoiding the situation. None of these have worked and I'm not prepared to deal with it any more. Given my involovement with the club I can probably make life difficult for him there and I know his sponsor very well. However I would rather not use any of these options as what I really want is for the behaviour to stop - nothing more.

I know many of you will be able to come up with some witty repartee about this and I'm happy to enjoy that, but I'd appreciate some serious guidance. I think this may turn out very badly as I'm not going to see it happen for much longer. It will either be bad for him, or bad for me. Either situation won't make me happy and I know I'm smarter than that. I just feel like I'm running out of options. I like to think I'm pretty respectful and I don't drop in purposefully on anyone, regardless of their skill/age/capability/board they ride etc. Thus I have a problem understanding this behaviour, particularly when he knows who I am and knows that I am a regular surfer in the breaks where this occurs. Has anyone ever had success in dealing with this? What would you do?

Post by **Shaunm** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 1:38 pm

Moon him every wave he attempts

Post by **Longboarder** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 2:29 pm

There is a video on surfline where the guy who gets dropped in on catches up to whoever it is that drops it and grabs the nose of that persons board. This causes them to stall and they flow off the wave. I recommend this approach.

Post by **Kunji** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 2:33 pm

You gotta speak up man. Once, when a newbie started out the point, he dropped in on me and i caught up and strangled him. We both got decked and i continued to strangle him underwater. When we emerged i splashed water on his face and told him not to drop in. He never did.

Post by **Nicko** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 2:46 pm

Interesting style Coops, but one I'm trying to avoid. I'm bigger and older than the kid - I'd rather use another method if I can think of one. But I'm struggling to think of another way. Perhaps drowning some sense into 'im may be the only way.

Post by **Tahn** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 2:46 pm

Go on the Dr. Phil show?

But seriously, as Coops said, make yourself heard (without the violence). Have you confronted him about the situation? Get a mate to have a serious word to him?

Post by **Nicko** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 2:57 pm

Ron, I think he does it to a number of people so I'm not alone. Good points.

Tahn. Thanks for advice. As for Dr Phil, I've never rooted my sister or had an affair with a one-legged Zimbabwean with leprosy so I don't think I'd make it through the cattle call.

Post by **Kunji** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 2:58 pm

Tahn, your eyes looked like someone strangled you when i saw you at coles last night.

All jokes aside Nicko, be assertive and if you can manage it, when you both are paddling for a wave, paddle in front of him so he cant take off. Works a treat.

Post by **Nicko** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:04 pm

wasn't me Coops - surfed, worked and went home last night. Although I have been practising my garotted look for some time now

Post by **mad** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:09 pm

Nicko I've got a bloke who does the same thing where I surf. He's an angry drug farked, dole bludging wanker and will drop in indiscriminately on anyone, apart from that a lovely guy

. He's even got into full on screaming matches and nearly fisticuffs with the handful of blokes that he can actually call mates, cos he'll drop in on them too.

He's been in plenty of stoushes, and that's pretty much all that works with this fella. I reckon he's not the full bottle, a legacy of a bongoloid. Apparently he wont drop in on you if you dust him, but like you I'm not violent, but if he continues to threaten my surfing then ya gotta make a stand.

Shmental, you'll be pleased to know that this bloke comes into his own when the gutsliding hordes descend. Then it becomes entertainment

Post by **moreorless** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:16 pm

My approach would probably be to try to avoid the situation altogether, but then I totally hate confrontation and conflict. Maybe just paddle off to another break or section of the break.

It's hard to say what you could do long-term. How often does it happen? Every session or only every once in a while? Is he doing it just to you or to others as well? Do others in the club see him as a problem? If you took some action would you get some support or would you be on your own?

The thing you should really try to avoid is an unplanned over-boil. The outcome could be unpredictable and embarrassing.

Pumped up young guns full of themselves can be really hard to deal with out in the water. They can be worse than flabby old longboarders in that respect.

Post by **macgreggor** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:18 pm

Surf the whole wave behind him. Force yourself to surf in the pocket. Don't ever fall off and don't say a word to him when you look him in the eye on each occasion he does it as you paddle close by after pulling out right behind him. Or. Think life is too short for that kind of bullshit and move to the country.

Post by **bombora** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:45 pm

Mate can I suggest laughter/ridicule. You say he does it to several people. If you know the other victims then get together one time when you are all out and make this bloke's life hell, but with a big big grin on all your faces as you do. Scream "party wave" and all of you take off if he is going for a wave. Stand on one leg as you ride, get another of the victims to do a headstand etc etc etc as you all keep screaming "party wave". Repeat this as often as needed. I reckon blokes like this can often handle abuse/violence and indeed thrive on it. Laughter on the other hand is something which can really throw em for six. Then screw his mind some more and have all of you NOT go for the next wave he wants. But the one after....party wave again.

Post by **Nick Carroll** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:55 pm

Nicko, bit of a predicament.

I am sure that for all his swagger this bloke is not beyond feeling shame at his actions and remedying it. I should know, I was EXACTLY like this at 24.

You don't need to compromise yourself by getting violent. If he drops in on you again (and he might not! though as the psychologists say, the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour), address it immediately, just you and him. Don't call him a dickhead -- address the behaviour.

Ie "You dropped in on me again. You know that's dickhead behaviour. You're wrecking my surf and making me feel like shit. I really need you to make an effort and stop doing it. You're a good enough surfer to get your own waves and you know it."

If he comes back at you with some smartarse remark, and refuses to stop doing it, again don't punch him, go directly to the people who back him, get them to call him in, and confront him in their presence.

He might surprise you with his reaction, you want to leave room for that, but not so much room that you don't get heard.

He needs to know his actions are affecting others and that there are consequences.

Post by **kreepykrawly** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 4:00 pm

You could try the Dr Phil Nick Carrol approach or you could just hold their head underwater for a select period of time until you feel a lesson has been learned.
The surfer displays no markings and so prosecution is hard.
Seen it done quite effectively in Hawaii.

Post by **Nick Carroll** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 4:04 pm

I should add I've seen some pretty f**ken heavy Hawaiian guys practice the Dr Phil approach, rather than the head-held-under approach, with great success.

'Course it helps if the offender knows you may at any time snap and rip his head off. Tends to give the Dr Phil approach a bit of extra weight.

Post by **Da Duke** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 4:13 pm

Nothing beats a well time leggie grab. If you really time it properly, as he realises he's going over the falls you may even get a look back to see you clutching his leggie smiling maniacally as you " release him" down the mine. After a bit of practice and you can throw in a few theatrics such as the Roman Emperor " thumb up to thumbs down" gesture or even the look-away dirty nappy chuck.
Remember revenge is a dish served cold and with some pizazz.

Be careful not to get too carried away or you may find yourself joining him on his little excursion down the mine and then you just look like an goose.

Post by **Nicko** » Wed Sep 19, 2007 4:22 pm

Thank you all. NickC - my father and grandfather were both psychologists and I study behaviour to make my living, so I too am of the school of believing that underlying genetics are primarily responsible for peoples' actions - and thus unchangeable. However it's comforting to know that age makes a difference in how much we let these tendency out for the rest of the world to see (levels of control over basic personality traits improve between the ages of around 18 to 64, then it's a slow slide back from whence we came)

I just haven't got time to wait for this prick to grow the f#$k up.

Moreorless, given that surfing is a testosterone-fuelled pursuit to some degree I don't think I can count on the support of others. I'm not even that comfortable talking about it on a relatively anonymous internet forum as I think most people just expect you to keep these things to yourself. It's just made me mad enough to not worry about that so much, plus I had a genuine interest in hearing about other reactions to similar behaviour.

MacGregor - LOVED the idea. May try that one.

Bomby - this is also a great idea. I may combine the Macgregor/bomby approach - laugh whilst surfing in the pocket. Would this be called the McBomb? Do I win 'name the burger'?

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